Women and Success
Friday, September 28. 2007
I am incredibly passionate about helping women to define what success is to them and supporting them to achieve success for themselves as defined by themselves. I invite you to begin to explore your relationship with success? What does it mean to you?
I am sitting in front of my PC wondering how to begin my first Blog. My topic is Women and Success.. I am incredibly passionate about helping women to define what success is to them and supporting them to achieve success for themselves as defined by themselves.
Enough of juggling everything, a friend once said that juggling is for clowns. I'm with her! Smart women focus on what they want and have strategies to help them achieve this. Enough of being everything to everyone! How about being YOU. Who you want to be and reaching the potential of who you can be?
As you read these words I would like you to think about what success means to you personally, what is it that you need to have in your life to feel successful?
Before we explore further I would like to go back and tell you a story of how this all began.
Rewind to November 2000, the best of times and the worst of times in my life. I had just sold my half in a company I built with a business partner, and had by any number of measures reached a pinnacle of success. And yet at the same time, I was burnt out and my self esteem was at an all time low.
To the outside world I had it all, I drove a Porsche, I skydived most weekends (I have done 450 jumps and jumped in some truly amazing places in the world) and I had all the designer gear and the platinum amex. The image was so far from the truth, I felt alone, I didn't have a sense of who I was or what I was about. I remember when I sold my half of the company I felt completely lost as to how I would introduce myself to people. I no longer had a business card that had director on it. My friend said just introduce yourself as who you are. I suddenly realised I had no idea who that was.
In this confusing place, I was celebrating the sale of my company with some female friends ALL of whom were incredibly successful. As each person was acknowledged for their achievements we all played down our achievements, we got embarrassed or muttered something like, 'you know I was just lucky, in the right place at the right time.
My mind screamed, 'What the hell is going on' as the evening wore on, I became increasingly conscious of two themes that kept bubbling to the surface.
1. None of us seated at the table owned our accomplishments
2. We were unclear about what success really meant to us, how we defined ourselves through success.
I started asking women about their relationship with success, I got very curious about how other women felt. Were there similarities? Did they feel the same as me?
On my return to Australia in 2003 (after 17 years in London) I decided to continue the exploration and launched a survey exploring Australian's women's relationship with success. The response was awesome, with 563 women from all walks of life sharing their thoughts, insights and feelings and exploring such questions as
Why do women rush from one project to another without taking the time to savour and enjoy their accomplishments?
Why do women keep asking themselves 'what more could I have done?' rather than 'look at what I have achieved?'
What does success really mean to women?
The results of the survey were illuminating. The survey explored success from a holistic perspective of women's lives. You can view the highlights of the survey and the full report here with my compliments
www.perspectivescoaching.com.au/objects/PERSPECTIVES%20Highlights.pdf
Again I invite you to begin to explore your relationship with success? What does it mean to you?
For my next blog I will focus on what gets in the way of women achieving the success they desire.
Until then
Best wishes
Pollyanna
www.perspectivescoaching.com.au
#1 2007-09-28 17:15 (Reply)
Congrats on this blog Pollyanna - look forward to hearing more!
I was just pondering the other day - as someone said to me "your business is growing in leaps and bounds" when I was thinking "My business doesn't seem to be going in any direction very quickly" - that what other's think is successful is often not even in the same ballpark as what you want for yourself.
And a really scary though is that I would consider a happy life isn't necessarily what I would consider a successful life. So defining success is a great place to start!
#1.1 2007-10-08 02:33 (Reply)
hi Pollyanna
I know exactly what you mean when I sold my business I completely lost my identity it took me a while to realize that there ware other things in this world besides making money that could influence who I was and what I stood for unfortunately it sometimes takes being diagnosed with a life threatening disease to give you a wake up call it did for me others may not be so slow witted well I did GET IT eventually and survived that along with breast cancer next month I celebrate 10 years of retirement my life is full I have a wonderful husband a gorgeous 13 year old son (teens are so charming) and I feel blessed I also realize that today is the first day of the rest of my life
good luck with this girl you truly are an exceptional and inspirational girl
#2 2007-09-28 21:40 (Reply)
I'm looking forward to reading more of your blog Pollyanna! It's definitely part of the Australian pysche not to accept compliments very well; tall poppies get chopped down... But at the same time, I recognise in the conversation you had over the dinner party the same feeling of "but my success is so much less than it could have been, and it wasn't all perfect along the way".
Perhaps we should take time regularly to remind ourselves of how much we have grown, and how much value people receive from what we do for them, as a way to combat the lack of ownership of our achievements?
I also think as women that we expect so much of ourselves in order to be the superwoman we aspire to - good looking, healthy & energetic, intelligent and up to date with world news, fun to be around, great business, perfectly kept house, great family relationships, quality time with our friends, etc etc. - that we make being successful in our own minds impossible to achieve.
Looking forward to hearing more on this topic from you and others!
#3 2007-10-02 08:00 (Reply)
Great blog Pollyanna - look forward to following them in future.
#4 2007-10-03 00:12 (Reply)
We are not very good at accepting compliments in the UK either! Also, if the women are more successful than the men (which I think we are in the main as we do all the multi-tasking) we feel obliged to play it down lest we dent the egos of the men. Anyway, enough of that!
If you asked me "am I successful person?" I would modestly say no but in reality yes I am! I had bought my own property by 23, got a job on a graduate training scheme at a blue chip company (there were 6 places available and 1200 applications) and am now a very happy mother of a fantastic 3 and a half year old. This really is my greatest success. Having a fantastic little boy who is growing in confidence, wit & friendship skills day by day. I pat myself (and my husband) on the back for that. He is a product of what we have given him.
I am also a good friend, making time for those around me, I would like to think that my friends would say that they could rely on me to be there for them.
Good luck with the blog Pollyanna and I hope that lots more people log on & say something positive (otherwise I shall feel rather big headed!!)
#5 2007-10-05 11:38 (Reply)
It is an amazing concept when you actually start to explore what success is on an individual level and how so often the most successful and talented women do not think of themselves as such. Other women also have the habit of being jealous and unsupportive of successful women which often can be even further isolating and prevents true ownership of our success. Together we can succeed at anything we set our mind to. As individual the same is also true!
#6 2007-10-05 17:51 (Reply)
Hi Pollyanna,
This is terrific idea; to get us women talking about, and celebrating our success, instead of complaining about why we "cannot" be successful!
There is much printed material out there about the pressures us women put on ourselves. Fortunately, we are also now starting to see more material on the courage (or perhaps wisdom or both?) many women are acquiring to define their own destiny and therefore make and define their own success.
It is also interesting to see the lives of "successful" baby boomers, versus gen-Xs and the up and coming gen-Ys. While there are some similarities, I marvel at the differences in what we all consider to be important. These differences make the whole subject of women and success quite fascinating to me, and that is even wihtout considering the cultural context!
Well done to the other ladies who are talking about their individual successful stories (Denise, no need to feel big-headed, my story is a bit longer but similar to yours in some ways. And yet our idea of success is most likely different to others who prefer to be unincumbered).
Good stuff Pollyanna. Thanks for providing this communication medium!
#7 2007-10-06 11:33 (Reply)
Hi Pollyanna,
When I think about my accomplishments I find myself looking back, way back, like a life review. I think about the last five years, or uni, or my adult life - - its like I'm doing a review called "things acheived thus far".
Really, if I want an abiding sense of satisfaction, one that wakes me up feeling good in the morning and puts me to bed feeling good at night, I'd have to do a "what can I celebrate myself for THIS week".
I have a dear friend who shares stories of love with me. We choose some crazy food that will make us smile (oranges with mango ice cream or strawberries and chocolate etc) and we celebrate things we're happy about that month.
Your blog has inspired me to have a "You're a star" section on my firdge.
Thank you!
#8 2007-10-06 17:32 (Reply)
Hi Pollyanna, Wow - when you start focusing on success versus 'what we haven't yet done, or what we should have done / could have done', the picture of ourselves changes!
I love the idea of a monthly catch-up with a friend to celebrate what we HAVE done.. Thanks!
Also, the Perspectives coaching seminar I attended, with a group of very courageous woman, was inspiring, and shaped some major changes for me.
Thanks for all your love and support Pollyanna!!! You're the best!
And everyone who was at the seminar - hope you got my email - look fwd to seeing you all soon for a vino!
#9 2007-10-07 05:22 (Reply)
Hi Pollyanna,
Thank you for defining success for women in terms of "what success is to them and supporting them to achieve success for themselves as defined by themselves". We spend so much time and money outwardly defining ourselves to others as successful through owning the Porsche, the platinum Amex (or is it black these days..) and of course the designer labels (including of course the Italian shoes)....I for one am guilty of this however, I have come to accept that my success comes from appreciating and being incredibly proud of the person that I am, the fact that I am able to help and mentor others and to be liberated to now focus on me and what I need to feel fulfilled in my life.
It is so very rare that we as women focus on us and I thank for you the opportunity that you are providing to allow us the means to define ourselves.
Louise
#9.1 2007-10-08 02:33 (Reply)
This makes for interesting reading and of course each and everyone of us writing here will have given the idea much thought.My definition of success changes daily but I feel its mainly about facing challenges,doing as well as I could on that day and in that moment and crucially being proud of my contribution.Today being me is good enough!
#10 2007-10-08 09:32 (Reply)
The concept of success is an interesting one. For me personally success is twofold. It's about finding balance with my work and family and being a good and fully engaged mother(a constant struggle!) Success is also about doing work I love that gives me a sense of meaning, purpose and fulfillment.
#11 2007-10-09 11:04 (Reply)
Wow - this is a big one Pollyanna. Success? What is it for me? And how do I define it?
Whilst reading your blog and the following comments I realised that I appear to have redefined what success is for me personally several times in my life already. Does that mean success can be something different depending to what stage we have reached in our lives?
In my teens success would have meant to go out with the hunkiest guy in town whereas in my twenties it was all about getting to know myself and having a great career that allowed me to travel the world, to live in a different country and to earn a lot of money.
Now, it's all about doing a job that I truly love and contributing and giving back in a larger sense. Money, image and exceeding other people's and my own expectations suddenly don't seem that important anymore. And you know what, it feels good!
#12 2007-10-09 15:33 (Reply)
Hi Pollyanna,
Great Blog!
Success has changed a lot for me over the last few months having my first baby. Like Sandi mentioned, for me it is now about being a great mum and balancing that with my business. I am beginning to see that it is work in progress and probably always will be. My learnings are that success is a journey and not an end point, and to recognise and celebrate the achievements along the way not matter how small they may be.
Looking forward to the next blog.
#13 2007-10-10 04:38 (Reply)
Hi Polyanna
Thank you for putting the topic out there with this fantastic blog! Reading your story has made me think about my own life and where I am at. So returning the favour, I will share some of my thoughts with you.
I once also measured success by my qualifications, career, title and assets. Then I became a stay-at-home mom....and all of the above dissapeared. I felt that I no longer had an identity. To make matters worse we also moved to Melbourne Australia (from South Africa) where I knew no one and no one knew me or of any of my pre-baby accomplishments. Suddenly I have just become a wife and mother and nothing more, or so I thought. This experience has forced me to evaluate who I am and what I have achieved.
I remember growing up hero-worshipping my dad (as most girls and I have to admit I still do). He is hard working, highly intelligent and has achieved enough to have lived several lives. When I reflect on my mom, I only saw her as a regular stay-at-home mom, no great achievements there. It is only now as I am a mother myself that I am able to see her great successes! She is a fantastic mother and wife. We grew up with 7 cooked meals a day, a mom who was there full time, she always welcomed and fed (and often clothed) all our friends. We never needed for anything and everything just automatically happened (your clothes were always washed and ironed). Growing up she never had help around the house, yet she never missed a beat.
I finally understand how two people who seem so different on the surface, 36 years on, are still in love, respect and admire one another.
So, in summary what I have learned about being successful:
1. Success and the measurement thereof changes for each individual as we go through life
2. Success isn't always tangible and doesn't always have to be reaching the 'big' goals, sometimes its watching how women respond in the face of adversity
3. Success is often the movement between failure and success and not always reaching the goal (getting up and dusting yourself off after a failure to try again)
4. Success is doing the best you can at the time
5. Being comfortable with who you are and knowing what you are capable of
At the moment my achievements spand as far as getting my one year old to sleep through the night, my almost 4 year old finally showing signs of speaking a second language after persisting for 4 years. And putting effort into cooking my wonderful husband's favourite meal knowing he supports me 100%. But most importantly its being the best wife and mother that I can be and on difficult days I take stock of my past successes, embrace them and take comfort in knowing what I am capable of.
Congratulations to all the successful women out there!
x
Ilonka
#14 2007-10-10 16:44 (Reply)
Hi Pollyanna,
This is a very interesting topic and it is something women are becoming more aware of as they raise their profiles and realise that just being a woman is an achievement.
#15 2007-10-11 11:55 (Reply)
Polyanna, I can really relate to your story of having "success" on the outside but not feeling it on the inside.
One of my measurements of how successful I am is about how I feel on the inside.
#16 2007-10-12 13:14 (Reply)
Hi Pollyanna
Great sharing!
The definition that really works for me is 'Success is the certain knowledge is that you have become yourself - the person you were meant to be from all time'.
#17 2007-10-12 18:00 (Reply)
Hi Pollyanna,
Congrat son the blog.
Just wanted to say that what most of the other woman have touched upon is very true.
We all measure success very differently.
And sometimes people only measure success finanacially.
If you had all the money in the world and no one to share it with- are you still successful.
Take a look at Owen Wilson- Looks, Money, Great career- you would think he was successful and then he tries to commit suicide.
Woman need to have a balance, if you have a great relationship with your husband and kids. and if your husnad doesn't cheat on you and your kids don't turn out to be drug addicts pat yourslef on the back becuase you are successful.
Rememeber financial success is not the be all to end all- after all who loved Eboneezer Scrouge.
Success is to be happy eveyday and taking steps to leave the world a better place today than it was yesterday.
#18 2007-10-13 15:18 (Reply)
Hello there Pollyanna,
What a fabulous blog you have started. I find it amazing that women all around the world share many of the same challenges in life, and yet so often we can feel isolated and not sure where to turn too for support. I know my girlfriends and I have often talked about the issues you have raised and there don't seem to be any obvious answers to the questions that come up. Maybe we make things more complicated than they need to be? I would love to think that success to me, is everything I have today. Yes, I have dreams for more but I know that I am responisble for waking up and feeling happy about what I have created in my life for today. Signing off as - wife, friend, mentor, aunty, cousin and most importantly as a mum of 3 beautiful children.
#19 2007-10-14 18:06 (Reply)
Hi Pollyanna
Your story is a success story but more importantly, you invited success into your life by realising what an incredible women you are (had always been). Life may have thrown you some curve balls and for a little while, you were grounded only to rise again 'with a deeper sense of who you are and with a greater depth of compassion. This is clearly reflected in your focus and goal to help women find and accept success in their lives. I will look forward to visiting this blog often.
Message is clear - women stand up and acknowledge yourselves for all your successes as mothers, wives, business women etc. Remember, you are the role model/mentor for other women. Amazing that many women down play their successful lives.
Success is working hard towards your goals with compassion and attaining these goals with wisdom to pass on to other women.
#20 2007-10-14 21:21 (Reply)
Hi Pollyanna
Your story is a really good one and I know next time that you'll be talking about what gets in the way of women achieving success. But to me - you had achieved success what you hadn't done was own it, celebrate it or be proud of it.
One of things I find for myself and my clients is that women don't want or think they shouldn't compete with their male partners. The men 'should' be the ones with the jobs = success. Women 'can be' successful as long as it doesn't outshine their partner and as long as they still have kids and manage the house etc...! It sounds old fashioned but those notions are still perpetuated by men and women subconsciously and consciously!!
What's your view? And how do we redefine roles where we can all own our success?
Best wishes
Marie
#21 2007-10-16 13:02 (Reply)
Hi Pollyanna,
Success – how do you measure it?
It doesn’t always flow in a linear direction; who can say what success at each decade milestone should look like. I have felt at different stages in my life that I was behind the eight ball in terms of what I have achieved – but compared to what?
My mother for example thought that the early 20s would establish a successful marriage, solid jobs and the purchase of a property. Early 30s would create healthy, beautiful children and a relaxed stay at home mum, successful career advancement for husband and accumulation of assets. By the 40s, the properties would be paid off with the family enjoying interesting holiday destinations and so on and so on….
So often, as other women here have expressed, we measure our success by other people's standards.
What about the challenges along the way that determines a course that zigs and zags in different directions?
Retrenchment
Illness
Family death
Business collapse
Sick family members
Separation/Divorce
The ability to get through these challenges, grow, and move on with grace is what I believe shapes us as successful women and gives reason to celebrate along with the achievement of goals we set for ourselves.
Stephanie
#22 2007-10-18 14:06 (Reply)
Success to me is feeling satisfied at the end of the day that I have managed to balance all aspects of my life (work, family & me time) as best as I possibly could
#23 2007-12-13 13:56 (Reply)
Success is very hard to measure, especially for women.
It is hard for us to be satisfied by the end of everything simply because we are in fact perfectionists.
I don't think its a really bad thing, we are just programmed that way. The way I look at it is it is a great motivator and every woman can do whatever she can once she puts her mind to it and that really is every woman.
we don't want to savor every single goal we achieved because that would simply mean we took a rest and were stopping right there! but that is not the case! we always want to keep on going, we dont want to stop. We want to keep on making goals and keep on attaining them
to me that is truly a great thing
but we should take a break and actually enjoy what we have done!