Women and Success Blog - 15 October 2007Tuesday, October 16. 2007
It is with great excitement that I log on each day to read the comments from all the women who have added their voice to the discussion around women and success. Thank you all for your honesty and sharing your thoughts so openly. It is inspiring to read your comments.
I also realised that I didn't share what success means to me, how I defined myself through success. For me success is being true to myself, being honest. It's about aligning what I do in my life with who I am being. The themes emerging are certainly around how success is so different for all of us, and we all share that relationships (with our family, friends and ourselves) are what's really important. The other thing that struck a chord for me is that as we grow, change and evolve how we define success grows and evolves. What a wonderful world we can thrive in, if we choose to.
How about making a choice today to start to celebrate the accomplishments in our day, like Rebecca set up a ritual with a friend, a sacred time where you celebrate who you are, the great things you have achieved and the love in your life.
Now it's time to stop beating ourselves up for the things we haven't done or got wrong (in our eyes). We spend so much time on what we haven't done, got right (what is right anyway!) So what does get in the way of us appreciating and acknowledging our success?
I want to share one of my favourite quotes and an article I wrote on Self Sabotage.
“We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same.”
– Carlos Castaneda
So you see the effort is the same, we may as well change our focus! Think about how you want your life to be. How often do you find yourself thinking “I can't”, “I shouldn't”, “It's too risky”, “I'm not smart enough” or “I shouldn't speak up in this meeting because......”
If these thoughts crowd your mind, you’re not alone.
Self-sabotage is the culprit that breathes life into limiting beliefs that hold us back from realising our potential. It's the voice that shows up uninvited and often suffocates your ideas before they’ve had time to grow.
Do you recognise this voice? Take a moment to look back over your life and pick out the times that you’ve let an opportunity slip by, allowed a potential relationship to remain undiscovered or stopped a dream ever becoming reality.
It's important to accept that the saboteur's voice actually belongs to you. You are the narrator of the stories that tell you, you can't, you should or shouldn't.
Take action today to side step your own self-sabotage.
It doesn't have to be big - choose something small, something that you’d like to do and haven't because you think you shouldn't.
Maybe you want to call someone, but you’ve made up all sorts of reasons why you can't. Perhaps it's a course you want to take, but you’ve invented a list of reasons why you won't be able to.
As you start to entertain these ideas, notice what comes up for you. What's the conversation that starts to happen? At what point do you shut down and surrender to the self-sabotage?
What are your self-sabotaging behaviours?
They may include some of the following:
· over committing
· not finishing what you’ve started
· loss of focus
· self criticism and/or criticising others
· needed help and didn't ask
· failure to assert your own needs or desires.
Take a moment to list your sabotaging behaviours.
Ask yourself, “What is the cost of allowing self-sabotage to run my life?”
This may include a project never taken off your shelf of ideas, an unfulfilled dream, a promotion missed.
Take a moment to list down these costs.
Now it's time to look at payback.
Payback is what we get from allowing self-sabotage to run our lives.
Imagine you’re working late. Your saboteur's voice has convinced you that you can't ask for help on this project. So, you’re in the office alone and your resentment’s building. Your payback may be that you get to be right about being in this alone – in short, you get to be the martyr.
Take a moment to think of similar incidents in your life. When you’ve thought of some examples, what was the outcome? Was it the outcome that you wanted?
The next step
O.K, so now you’re starting to notice when self-sabotage creeps in, what do you do next?
The most important part of bypassing your self-sabotage is by simply noticing.
By noticing, you become aware. You pay attention to what's going on for you. As tempting as it may be, avoid getting into an intellectual debate with your self-sabotage. The moment you get into dialogue with your sabotaging voice, you’re defeated.
Take a moment to listen to the message your saboteur delivers and know that you have a choice, a choice of accepting this or moving on.
Does this message serve you? If not, push the message away and allow yourself to see what’s possible once you’re free from its grip.
Yes, it takes practice, but you’ll soon discover the rewards are worth it.
Make a commitment now to start noticing your self-saboteur's voice. Dare to dream about what's possible for you when you eliminate this voice from your life.
Taming Your Gremlin. A Guide to Enjoying Yourself: Richard D Carson.
Get Out of Your Own Way: Escape From Mind Traps: Tom and Natalie Rusk.
Self-Defeating Behaviours: Free yourself from the Habits, Compulsions, Feelings and Attitudes that hold you back: Milton Cudney.
I would love to hear your thoughts and if you are willing, share some of the times self sabotage has held you back and times when you are triumphed over your self sabotage. Share any strategies that have helped you, they will certainly help others.
It would be great to know where you are writing from, Australia, the US, the UK, and Singapore etc.
Until next time
Have fun and celebrate all that you are..