The Strong Woman's Desire for a Strong Man
What sabotages the love lives of today's independent women?
In an unconventional new book, German psychotherapist Maja Storch examines the ways that women (particularly those who we regard as successful, liberated and high-achieving) unwittingly undermine their intimate relationships. Dr Storch's work with women has enabled her to identify the unconscious reasons behind this process.
Many women have rejected the
stereotypical female roles of their parents'
era but now feel uncomfortable with
their continuing desire for a loving
partner. Instead of embracing this side
of themselves and looking for a man to
fulfill that desire, many women continue
to fall for those men who are emotionally
unavailable and who ultimately treat
them badly.
Maja suggests that it is this rejection of
their perceived weakness, which gets in
the way of many women finding a safe
and fulfilling relationship. She helps
women unlock the fears that lie behind
self-perpetuating patterns and achieve
the necessary balance of independence,
vulnerability, desire and strength that will
enable them to succeed in a relationship.
In her bestselling book - The Strong
Woman's Desire for a Strong Man, which
has been translated into 10 languages
- Maja Storch examines the ways in which
successful, independent women (who she
classes as 'strong') unwittingly manage
to repeatedly undermine their intimate
relationships, and their unconscious
reasons for doing so.
She writes: 'When I say 'strong woman'
I'm not talking about a kind of sexless,
uptight, man-hating monster, or an
academic who wears severe grey 'power
suits' and lives alone with her two
pampered cats. The type of woman I have
in mind is independent, with a vibrant,
energetic personality and an active sex
life. She has learnt to rely on her own
strength and is not waiting for a man to
come along and save her.
'Strong women are capable of great love,
and share a longing for a loving man. But
their desire has caused them great pain,
as their encounters in love have been
unsuccessful in the past, and they begin
to wonder if this capability for love is a
strength or a weakness. Do you love films
where the independent woman falls for
the broad-shouldered hero? Do you yearn
for a man to come along who won't be
put off by your confident manner, who
will treat you like a woman and protect
and guide you through life? And do you
secretly hate yourself at the same time for
even having these feelings? If so, you're
not alone. Welcome to the club!'
Topics discussed in the book:
Why we behave as we do in relationships: Maja Storch discusses how we are influenced by
our understanding of traditional masculine and feminine roles and our childhood experiences,
and how this can impact on our relationships.
The impact of the unconscious on our lives: Storch uses the Jungian idea of the
unconscious or 'the shadow', to explain why strong women who may be independent and
dominant in their everyday lives, may also have a more hopeful side in their unconscious that
still longs for a close loving relationship with a man, but which they keep hidden.
How the battle of the sexes influences strong women in relationships: Storch explains
that women have won significant territory from men through the women's movement - and
there is no way they want to give it back. Women are no longer limited to the options of wife
and mother. They have seen too many of these 'good women' lead productive but miserable
lives, as they care for their husbands and families, but miss out on pursuing their full potential.
They have also seen these 'good' women, perhaps their grandmothers and mothers, cast aside
for younger women, and have now come to the conclusion that womanly virtues are not worth
much.
Have women lost their femininity? Storch argues that by striving to forge their place in the
world - a predominantly male world - women have taken on some of the traditional masculine
character traits. And in the process they have pushed aside some of their true feminine
qualities, including the desire for a loving relationship.
Why don't strong women fall in love with nice, uncomplicated men? Many strong women
are afraid to drop their guard and allow themselves to pursue that loving relationship for fear of
losing the independence and power they have worked so hard to establish. So they continue
to fall in love with those men who will never give them the commitment, love and respect they
want.
How to break the cycle: By coming to understand that her desire for a loving committed
relationship doesn't have to mean sacrificing her independence, strength and power, the strong
woman can learn to embrace and accept herself and her desires fully, opening the way for a
more satisfying relationship without the heartache.
About the author
Dr Maja Storch is an analytical psychologist and therapist who works in
the tradition of CG Jung and is based at the Educational Institute of the
University of Zurich. She has an established psychotherapy practice in
Germany and is a published author with books on youth, psychotherapy
and personal development.
The Strong Woman's Desire for a Strong Man
Finch Publishing
Author: Maja Storch
ISBN 9781876451684
RRP: $24.95
