Now Say This

The Right Words To Solve Every Parenting Dilemma

A powerful new book that gives flustered parents the exact words to use in any situation.

A toddler meltdown over the wrong pair of pants, siblings fighting in the back of the car, constant struggles just to leave the house … Parents have the best intentions to be patient and loving, but in the heat of the moment they often find themselves feeling helpless, desperate, and so frustrated that they resort to yelling, threatening, bribing, or caving. Now Say This solves the dilemma of how to be empathic and effective at once.

Based on their popular 3-step ALP model " Attune, Limit Set, Problem Solve " which the authors have taught to thousands of parents in their clinical practice, Now Say This addresses issues such as:
tantrums
sibling relationships
screen time
bedtime

Best of all, it answers the question Now, what do you actually say? using scripts and body-language tips from reallife examples. User-friendly and research based, Now Say This transforms remarkable ideas into practical how-tos that busy parents can use right away.

Heather Turgeon, MFT, is a psychotherapist who writes about child development and parenting. Her writing has appeared on Babble (as the long-running -Science of Kids' column), Salon, The Daily Beast, and others, and she has covered the topic of sleep for many outlets, including as a science writer for the National Sleep Foundation. Heather lives in Los Angeles with her husband and two little ones

Julie Wright, MFT, is one of Los Angeles' best-known parenting group leaders, and has taught thousands of moms in her popular Wright Mommy and Me groups at the celebrated Pump Station & Nurtury. Julie is a psychotherapist whose work focuses on empathic, mindful parenting; attachment; and sleep. She has specialised training and experience in the 0-to-3 years, interning at Cedars Sinai Early Childhood Center and LA Child Guidance Clinic. Julie lives in Los Angeles with her son, and visits her East Coast family often.

Now Say This
Scribe Publications Pty Ltd
Authors: Heather Turgeon and Julie Wright
ISBN: 9781925713350
RRP: $29.99

 

Interview with Heather Turgeon and Julie Wright

Question: What inspired you to write Now Say This?

Heather Turgeon and Julie Wright: There is a lot written about the importance of empathy and listening, but we wanted to take the next step and help parents figure out now what do I actually say?!

We developed our empathic approach to limit setting in our Mommy and Me program, to give parents an easy to remember, 3-steps (ALP) to use when babies around the 7-9 months age start showing strong opinions, desires and resistance. The topic was so popular and so close to our hearts that we decided to write a book applying the 3-step method to babies through school age kids, focusing on many of the most common challenges parents face. The truth is that you can use this method in all of your relationships and its effects are profound. Kindness, empathy, creativity, independence and connection are all strengthened while limits are held consistently. It's the win-win of parenting! Our starting point is that 'children are built for good," and our role as parents is to nurture and create space for their natural tendency to make good choices and treat others with fairness and consideration.


Question: How will this book transform the way parents solve dilemmas?

Heather Turgeon and Julie Wright: Communication is how we form a secure attachment with our child and how we grow to know and connect with each other. Our long-term goal for our kids is that they can eventually tell us with their words, how they're feeling and what they're struggling with. The more difficult the feeling, the more important that they feel safe talking to us about it. If we take them seriously and communicate in a thoughtful, chosen way when they're little, they're much more likely to tell us the big things when they're older. We lay the groundwork for this from the start. It's easy to keep communication open when everyone is happy and compliant. But in difficult moments, it's critical to resist our (very understandable) knee jerk instincts to reprimand, speak sternly, isolate or in any way, shut down communication. In addition we wrote this book in a super practical format, with scripts, conversation and examples. We want parents to use their own words, but we have found that hearing lots of examples really helps them start practicing this way of being right away.


Question: Can you provide us with some advice on what to say when a toddler is having a meltdown in the supermarket?

Heather Turgeon and Julie Wright: Attune step – Wow, you really wanted that candy bar, I get it. Mommy is going to gently pick you up and take you to the car, so you can get all your feelings out in a calm place. I'll stay with you.

Limit setting step (only after the tantrum subsides and the child is receptive) – Yes, I did say that we were only buying food for dinner at the store.

Problem solving step – Shall we try again and you can help me check things off of my shopping list? I'll bring our snacks in from the car, in case you're hungry.


Question: What is the best way to introduce a new baby sibling to a toddler?

Heather Turgeon and Julie Wright: This is such a good question and one that we wrote about pretty extensively in the book. The most important thing is to put yourself in your toddlers place and imagine what it feels like to have a new baby take the spotlight and attention. One idea is to have someone else hold the baby or have him in a bassinet, when the toddler meets baby for the first time. Then they can walk over, greet the baby together and introduce them to each other. Some people like to have a gift from the baby to toddler and vice versa, but that's not really essential. It also helps to attune to your toddler's real feelings without fear of making things worse. You might say something like, This feels really different doesn't it? Our family has another person now and that will take time to get used to.


Interview by Brooke Hunter

 

Now Say This
Scribe Publications Pty Ltd
Authors: Heather Turgeon and Julie Wright
ISBN: 9781925713350
RRP: $29.99



 

 
 




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